3/4's through journey - getting very travel weary!!!

Well, haven't I been slack!!  I've been getting all these queries from people about my blog:

• Are you OK, Kay?
• Where are you at?
• How have you been?

And, me being very travel weary at this stage of my journey, have been ignoring your queries!!!! 

I've actually started this blog about 4 weeks ago, so will now update it and finish it!!!

So, where am I at!!!

I've had my surgery (lumpectomy and axillary clearance - 15 lymph nodes removed).  The surgery itself went pretty well without a hitch.  Apart from a slight hiccup in the morning (going up to the operating theatre twice -first time in error, second time to have the operation).  I was in hospital overnight and was walking shakily to the loo about 2 hours after waking up.  I won't tell you the gory bits - but basically, I have two scars - the one on the breast is very minimal and the one under my arm is about 7 cm.  6 weeks after surgery, I'm having no problems except I have some numbness under my arm and my arm aches at the end of each day.

The results of surgery:

• At time of diagnosis - 4 cm Grade 3 cancer (aggressive) + cancer in lymph gland
• At time of surgery - 1 cm area of Grade 1 cells (no mass) and no cancer in lymph glands.  The tumour had responded so well to the chemotherapy which was the best outcome that could be expected.

Now - Cancer Free!!!!!!  Barbarelle the Breast Bitch Bump is dead!!!!

Yeeahaa, yahooo, bloody ripper!!!  You will say!!!  And, yes, I should say as well!!  I thought once I was told that I was cancer free, I'd be shouting from the hills - however, I'm not feeling very yeehaa, yahhoo, bloody ripper as yet!

Couple of reasons:

I think I've been on this journey for so long, I can't quite reconcile that I'm now cancer free.  To be honest, I still feel that there is something wrong and can't quite accept that its gone.  Don't really trust that all of the cells are dead. 

+ I'm stilll going through treatment - radiotherapy every day (except weekends) for 6 weeks.  I've had 5 so far so am counting down, 25, 24, 23 etc etc etc etc......

+ I'm on a nasty pill called Tamoxifen which marches the body into menopause (quickly). The side effects are, that I can self-combust every hour or so with hot flushes, I have bone aches and my left thumb has frozen (you don't know how often you use your left thumb until you can't) + I'm now a grumpy old lady with mood swings (don't take right of way off me or watch it!!!

+ I'm still feeling like crap!!!  Body feels like I'm 80 (sorry, slight exaggeration - 79).

So, I've been feeling very down of late and have been enjoying a brief stay (keeping with journey theme) at Kay's Self Pity Lodge.  Its a pretty comfy lodge but I'm concerned that I might stay there too long!!!

On a positive note (don't worry - I still have my sense of humour and am not down 100% of the time)

I had my sister Kris stay over the surgery time and it was lovely to be looked after and coddled a bit!!  I must admit, I miss having some extra attention at the moment!

I now am getting my hair back (see photo) and now have eyebrows and very short eye-lashes!  On a negative note, I noticed on the weekend after looking into a magnifying mirror with glasses on, that I had a fine fuzz of baby fluff on my face and looked a bit like Father Christmas.  So, got the scissors out + also plucked my eyebrows for the first time in 6 months.

Also, on Monday I decided to go scarf/wig/hat free.  Hot flushes and head coverings don't mix!  Feel much cooler without anything.  Plus everyone tells me I have a fabulous head!!

I'm back at work - and enjoying being back in the midst of things - although I must admit, working full time is getting a bit tough!  One doctor told me that I had to remain calm to minimise the hot flushes!!  Well, you try being a CEO of an organisation and then drive into the city every day, find a pack, wrestle with traffic and then get zapped by radiotherapy!!  And you try and remain calm!!!  Bloody hec!!! (here comes a self combustion episode!).

So, although back at work - I'm still taking it a bit easy.  Im now finishing this off at work in between reading a 50 page report!

I can also start gardening etc and enjoyed planting some tomatoes last week.  Perth is starting to have some nice spring weather (fingers crossed) so will start enjoying getting out and about a bit more.  Its been a pretty miserable winter.

So, as I said, sorry about delay in blog entries.  To be honest, its been very pleasing that you are all enjoying reading them so much.  Many of you have commented on my writing skills (you never know - a new career!!).  For my family, they already know this - but my hero as a child was Ita Buttrose.  I always wanted to be a journalist!

So, that's it for the time being.  I will try and send one more blog to let you know when I've reached my final destination  - Health and definitely cancer free!!!

Love Kay