Shit - what a journey!

Well, seeing I'm going to be on this incredible journey, I thought I'd do what I did when I went overseas for my long trip, and start up a blog....that way, all my friends and family can keep up to date with what I'm up to and....

 

 

If I'm having a shit time - I'm going to let you know know so that you can 'ramp' up the sympathy and 'attention'.
If I'm having a good time - you can still ramp up the 'attention'
And if there's no change - you can still ramp up the 'attention'.

 

 

So, I think you've guessed it...I'm going to wring this out for all of the attention I can get!!

 

 

No seriously, because I live by myself - and although Sonny is great (fantastic)  on cuddles etc, he's not very good on the practical stuff (ie support, company, diversion).

 

 

So, I'm going to looking for some of that from everyone else.  Sorry!!

 

I can't believe that only four weeks ago, I hadn't found the lump.  And had no idea.  I had actually registered on "E Harmony" and this year was going to be my year of perhaps getting out a bit more and even going on the odd date or two.  I was also thinking about renting out my spare room to an overseas student -to bring in some extra $$ and have some company. Yes, Kay was actually thinking of dating....

 

So, in the space of a few weeks things have changed slightly (understatement, its been a gargantuan change).  The past couple of weeks have been like a whirlwind.  Doctors appointments, tests, crying episodes, more tests, crying.  I think my heart has been beating twice as fast since then.  And my stomach muscles have been in knots. 

Amazing what stress can do for you.  I thought I was actually doing OK (physically) but realised by how tired I felt that the stress was actually doing to me.  I was so tired!!

 

This weekend, was probably the closest to normality for me - actually felt quite sane and in control.  Still very tired (long nanna naps) but a bit more relaxed.  Had lunch with a friend on Saturday and did some gardening on Sunday - planted some celery so that I can have some carrot and celery juice in 3 months. 

So, here's where I'm at.

• There are no secondaries (yeah, big yeah, huge yeah!!). I had imagined the worse so this is great news
• The lump is about 4 cm and its labelled as a Grade 3 cancer, which is aggressive and grows fast.  Its in my lymph gland (hence the worry about secondaries)
• There is a chance that they can 'conserve' my breast (love that term) so they are going to try and shrink the tumour first with Chemo, then a lumpectomy (if it shrinks), then radiotherapy to finally kill the little #@^%$.
• I'm in for about 6 months of shit!
• A bonus is that the chemo will also probably bring forward menopause so I'll look forward to the sweats etc as well but no more periods...

 My appointment with the oncologist is Monday the 27th and chemo will probably start the following week.  I'll know more on the 27th about timelines etc.  At this stage, chemo usually goes for about 3-6 months.  You get chemo once per week, have two weeks break, repeat, etc

I haven't formally made a decision about work - whether I should give it up (Thank goodness, I have income protection insurance) or whether I should try to rally on.... I'm talking to my boss next week + getting some further information before I make any decisions.  Because my job holds quite a lot of responsibility, I'm not sure whether I want to take that on.  However, it might also be my 'dose of normality' that I need. 

So, this is the first blog!!  I'll try not to be too depressing in the future, but I thought it important that:

1. you all know what I'm up to and how I'm feeling
2. I think its also going to be good for me to 'unload'  I already feel better after penning this. 

So, bye for now..... I'll update you all when I know a bit more.

PS.  I've named the lump "Barbarella the Breast Bump".  I originally called it Barbara the breast bump, but thought that anyone named Barbara might be offended.  I hope there's no Barbarella out there.